


Tumbler made me do it.

by Duckie_Dono



Series: Once more, with Feeling [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Because Deadpool, Darcy Lewis April Fool's Crack Challenge, F/F, F/M, Help, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Multi, Other, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:42:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23424943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duckie_Dono/pseuds/Duckie_Dono
Summary: Darcy should have known that between a Norse god of Mischief,  Talking Racoon, and the cutest tree ever that things were going to get weird. But she had hope......she just didn't think things would turn out like this.Update: 9/27/2020 I'm going back to spellcheck this.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Everyone
Series: Once more, with Feeling [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687522
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19
Collections: Darcy Lewis April Fool's Crack Challenge 2020





	Tumbler made me do it.

**Author's Note:**

> Right so my first time doing a challenge... it's one am and I should be asleep but as the Title said Tumbler made me do it. This is the prompt my brain latches on to...Rated mature for F-Bombs.
> 
> Kiss me, I’m an amphibian - A variation of the Frog Prince trope where a character has turned into an amphibian and needs a kiss to turn back. (You could even make them into a reptile, we won’t tell on you)
> 
> Basically Darcy gets drunk with Loki and in her drunken state, she bemoans the fact that she has yet to find her true love. Loki trying to make the best of not being dead and transitioning into a not evil guy uses his magic to turn her into a frog. The only way to turn back is to kiss a bunch of Marvel men/women/aliens to change back...Jane is an awkward wingman but tries.

I knew this was a bad idea, should have just stayed home in my comfy bed watching Celebrities read thirst Tweets or answer questions while playing with cute baby animals with no bra and my favorite pair of Hulk sleep shorts.

But no here I was watching Earth's mightiest heroes get drunk. There was Thor, who let's admit was still fucking hot even with that extra weight, had managed to bring a cask of Asgardian Ale and was doing his level best to get Captain America and The Winter soldier drunk with Valkyrie right beside him aging them on.

The rest were watching with amusement and with drinks in their hands trying to forget about the losses that we had taken defeating Thanos. 

The crew of aliens joined in the fun and it was slowly becoming too loud to even think. 

"You do not appear to be enjoying the festivities, Darcy Lewis." A voice says to the side.

I turn and blink. There stood Loki but in normal Midgardian clothes. I had already had too much to drink so I knew I had little control of my mouth.

" I'm going to die alone with like a million cats. No one will know I'm dead for months and the cats will have eaten me alive." Was what flew out of my mouth. I giggle at his wide eyes." Ya know you have a purdy mouth." The world tilts and fades to black.

* * *

**Bruce and Jane**

I groan, my head felt like a family of elephants were doing tap dancing and my whole boy ached. I work myself out of my sheets only to find the bed is fucking huge! 

"Ahhhhh!" I scream and bring my hands to my face only to like little green frog legs. "Jane!!!!!!"

There was a loud thump then my door is thrown open to revile jane hugging with her hair in a crooked ponytail and smeared makeup. 

She looks at me, I look at her, and then she screams. "What the fuck?!"

"I don't know jane! Fix it!" I yell back.

"Okay okay. Let's uh all just take a deep breath. This calls for Science! And coffee. Let me just uhh." She steps out and comes back with a show box. "Let's uh go find Bruce."

Ten minutes later I stood on a table as jane Bruce and tony stare and whisper. I grumble as I walk close.

"Hey, can you at least share what you are saying?" 

"Did you ingest anything out of the ordinary?" Bruce asks softly with a sheepish smile.

" uh maybe? Like 100% real talk I was like beyond hammered last night. I have a very like super vague memory of talking to Loki."

"Loki! What did you do to Darcy!" Jane screams. 

"No need to shout dear sister." He says shimmering into existence beside her." It is a simple spell for your little pet to find her true love. All she has to do I kiss people."

"Right, kiss people....as a Fucking frog! You better turn me back! Or I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you!" I yell pointing my little front finger at him.

"I am sorry, true loves kiss is the only way to break this spell. I used it on a prince and it worked just fine before."

"Right, then." Jane says stepping forward and lifting me up."sorry Darcy." She says kissing me. Nothing happened." Okay, Who is next?"

"Oh wow uh no." Tony says." I like you Melons but these lips are only for pepper."

" yeah, but I'm so gonna steal a kiss from her. She is a total Milf and Bamf." I say as jane holds me out to Bruce. 

He leans down and quickly kisses my frog lips. "Right. Not me. "

* * *

**Thor**

I blink at him as he stares back at me, The last five years had taken a toll on him but even with looking like The Dude he was still really hot before he leans down and kisses me as I sit in Jane's hands.

"I am sorry My lightning sister." He says softly.

"Yeah, it's okay Big guy. Maybe smack Loki around for a while for me?"

" I will scold him in his ill-treatment of you." He says his beard moving as he spoke.

"Big guy, you are still my favorite."

* * *

**Scott & the wombat's**

Scott and his group of guys that he is friends with. Jane held me in my show box and walked with purpose to the group of ex cons.

"Hey, Doc, where is my Thunder Buddy?" He asks.

" There has been a bit of an incident. Loki thought he was doing a good thing cast a spell on her and" She says softly and holds up the box. "Kiss her."

I look up at him and stand holding the edge of the box and wave. " Hey, Buddy."

His eyes widen as he leans closer. "Crap on a cracker! You are the frog Prince!" 

"Yeppers, so uh I know you and hope are like a legit thing but I'd rather try and fail than not try," I tell him.

"Of course I am kissing you!" He says before he leans over and I feel his lips on mine. "Wow that was weird, but in a 'I just kiss me sister on the mouth way'."

"Yep. So weird. Well, come on Wombats! Lay it on me."

"Man this is the weirdest shit," Dave says stepping forward. "We will never speak of this alright? It would ruin my street cred." He says before he pecks me before he pulls back. "Sorry Lil' mama."

" its fine man, at least you tried." 

"I am sorry for you being cursed," Kurt says with a heavy Russian accent.

"Yeah, Magical Bull Shit. Come on the sooner I'm back to normal the sooner I can have coffee." He does and just like before. Nothing happens.

"Man this reminds me of that time." Louis starts but Jane gently lifts me up and like with a doll forces me to kiss him.

"Less talking more trying to fix my friend/Assistant." She tells him.

* * *

**Sam Bucky and Steve**

I was starting to go from just put out to pissed, I have kissed pretty much every employee in the building and jane was still finding people. I was swimming in a bowl on her desk since with was easier to bring them to me since my skin was getting dry. 

"I've got your next princesses!" Jane says as she walks in followed but Captain America, Bucky Barnes, and Sam Wilson. 

I use the little stairs Morgan had loaned me from her barbie house to climb out and use the washrag to not leave wet footprints. All three men stare down at me with wide eyes.

" Right then, Loki did magic fingers I'm now a frog and only the kiss of my true love will turn me back. I've kissed over five hundred people in the past 72 hours and I'm at the pissed off at stage but moving back to my original I'm going to die alone stage." I tell them.

"Doll." The once fear some winter soldier says softly.

"Yep so if you don't want to that's cool." 

"No, I don't care if I have to get Thor, Brunhilde, and Carol to hold them down they will kiss you," Jane says with narrow eyes.

"Well momma always said sometimes you gotta kiss a few frogs to get your prince, kinda thought it was just a saying and it would you know be a male but whatever." Sam says being the first to do the deed. "Huh, well guess its not me."

" Thanks, Sammy. Like I've always said everyone needs a sam, they make the best ride or die friends." I tell him.

"I'd follow you to Mordor, make many deals to pull you back from the dead, Follow you as my knight commander." He says with a smile.

" your turn Captain," Jane says arms crossed and eyes narrowed at him.

"Right sorry. Sorry." He says before he drops a quick kiss.

"Well A+ for having the Balls to kiss a frog," I say softly. "Kinda sad that it wasn't on my normal lips."

" you next Barnes." 

Bucky says nothing but quickly kisses me before he turns and leaves without a word. "Well, that sucks. I wouldn't have minded getting in those super tight pants." 

"Hey maybe it can still happen, he likes you," Steve says with a half-smile.

"Hey, I get turned back to a real girl he can get all up in this jelly I don't care what my supposed true love says. Dude is Fine and I'm DTF." I tell him.

He laughs. "Well, I'll let him know Doll."

* * *

**The Guardians**

Three days after that Thor brought the team from space to the labs. He and jane explained the problem to them and surprisingly they all agree even the tree and raccoon. Hell at this point I'd take a tree and a raccoon,.

"So I just kiss you on the mouth?" Peter Quill asks.

"Yeah star guy on my frog lips. " I say making a kissy face.

" honestly not the weirdest women I've kissed." He says leaning down kissing me. " huh guess its not me."

"You are looking for females too?" Mantis asks softly.

"Sweet bug lady, after you guys I'm gonna kiss a talking tree and a furry woodland creature that likes to steal things, shoot people and blow shit up," I tell her.

"I have never kissed before. But I would be happy to try for you. You are kind." She says before she leans and kisses me. She pulls back. "I'm sorry I am no your true love."

"Me too Mantis."

"Though my love is no longer alive I would not leave you trapped as a slimy amphibian," Drax says before he steps up and kisses me quickly. "As I thought." 

"This is pointless, but I will do this once." Nebula says and kisses me.

"Thanks, Smurfette, I know Feels isn't your thing."

"I am Groot?" The tree asks.

"Yeah, go on then. Kiss the lady, Groot." Rocket says.

Groot steps forward and looks down at me and a flower sprouts from his hand and he holds It out to me. "I am Groot." 

I take it and smile. "Thank you, you know you are the first one to give me something. Well, lay it on me Tree Beard." Kissing a sentient tree was a lot like kissing normal people. But as he pulls back nothing happens. "Well in a way this is good, cuz you're practicality a teenager and while I am attracted to men women, and aliens I'm not sure I could have had sex with a guy made of wood, do you even have Dangly Bits?" 

"I am Groot." Groot says.

"He does not really even have a gender so yeah. Guess it's my turn huh?" He asks his fuzzy face scrunching.

"Right. Don't take it personal Rocket but I'm really hoping its not you. Don't get me wrong I like you and you are an adorable murder kitten but like yeah." I finish lamely.

" Hey you and me both but your boss lady looks like she will turn me in a hat or something."

It was quick and like every time before nothing happened. "Fuck, guess I better get used to slime and water."

* * *

**Deadpool**

A week later was when the x men came to talk with Tony and the others and jane had bullies some of the most dangerous and powerful Mutants in the world to kiss me. I was just handing out in my box when a guy in all red appears.

"Man that April fools challenge is gonna be hard on you, but at least this author made it a little nice to you. She is cool like that ya know." He says somehow his masked eyes showing expressions.

"What?" I ask him softly.

"You know fan fiction? Man people love to pair you up with a lot of people. " He says in a whisper. 

"Right. Alright, who are you, man?" I ask, this dude must be crazy.

"Wade Wilson aka Deadpool Aka the merc with the mouth. But you can call me Sugar Bear." He says.

"Right well let's get this over with." He lifts up his mask and I see his skin is scar tissue before he kisses me and a bright flash of like I was suddenly standing naked as the day I was born in front of everyone."Fuck."

Deadpool pulls back and does a happy dance." Thank you, Duckie! And Tumbler!"

"Shit, why couldn't it have been the tree or the raccoon? Noooo it has to be the fucking crazy assassin! God Loki I'm going to stab your Blue ass!" I say grabbing a hoodie and pulling it over my head.

"Hey, sweetie pie I'm totally down for watching you and Bucky and like really anyone get Jiggy with it. We can do so many sexual shenanigans! I'm into an Open relationship!" He says happily.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it......In mind a passed out halfway through and just finished it. It's not like too crack filled but well it was one am and this is what my sleep-deprived mind did. Hope you at least enjoyed it.


End file.
